Fairhaven Public Schools
GRIEF SUPPORT for Children and Families
For immediate Grief Support:
Contact your School Counselor for support and referral, if needed.
Other Local Agencies offering Support:
South Coast Bereavement Services
Counseling (Individual and Group)
Camp Angel Wings
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(508) 973-3227
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NBCFS (individual, group, and family counseling)
Amanda Phillips, Director-School Based
Chanda Coutinho, Site Director
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(508) 996-8572
http://child-familyservices.org/new-bedford/
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Greater New Bedford Trauma Response Network
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(508) 993-6242
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New Bedford Area Grief Support Group
Pastor David Lima, Coordinator
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(508) 992-7505
beni@stmarysdartmouth.org
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Coalition to Support Grieving Students
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https://grievingstudents.org/
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Comfort Zone Camp
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https://www.comfortzonecamp.org
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If having a mental health crisis requiring support:
How to deal with the grieving process
While grieving a loss is an inevitable part of life, there are ways to help cope with the pain, come to terms with your grief, and eventually, find a way to pick up the pieces and move on with your life.
- Acknowledge your pain.
- Accept that grief can trigger many different and unexpected emotions.
- Understand that your grieving process will be unique to you.
- Seek out face-to-face support from people who care about you.
- Support yourself emotionally by taking care of yourself physically.
- Recognize the difference between grief and depression.
Guidelines to keep in mind (talking to children)
The words you choose will vary depending upon the child’s age and developmental stage, but experts agree that no matter what the age of the child there are certain guidelines you should stick to:
- Follow their lead.
- The kinds of questions and concerns that children have can be very different from those of adults.
- Giving children too much information can overwhelm them. It is better to let them ask questions and then answer in the best (and most developmentally appropriate) way you can.
- Don’t be surprised if young children are mostly concerned about themselves. That is simply how young children are.
- Encourage children to express their feelings.
- Do not try to “protect” or “shelter” children by attempting to hide your own sadness. They will invariably know that something is wrong, but will be left feeling alone and confused.
- Hiding your own grief can also make children feel like the sadness they may be feeling is bad.
- However, try not to let children see you at your most upset moments, as they may begin to worry about you or feel insecure.
- Don’t use euphemisms. Avoid phrases like “passed away,” “gone,” “we lost him.”
- Kids tend to be very literal, and this kind of fuzzy language leaves them anxious, scared and often confused. Or conversely, it may lead them to believe the deceased will come back and that death is not permanent.
- Maintain normal routines as much as possible.
- Grief takes time but children benefit from the security of regular routines and knowing that life goes on.
- Memorialize the person who died.
- Remembering is part of grieving and part of healing. This can be as simple as sharing memories of the person who died or bringing up the name of the person who died so that your child knows it’s not taboo to talk about and remember that person. It is important to keep photos around, too.
Here are a few activities that may help you cope while grieving:
Go for a walk
Call an old friend
Take a nap
Breathe
Daydream
Do yoga
Write in your journal
Color in a book
Brush your teeth
Tidy up a room
Organize your day
Reflect in gratitude
Watch a movie
Eat a favorite meal
Spend time cooking
Meditate
Go for a run
Buy a new outfit
Listen to nature sounds
Write a letter
Watch a documentary
Take a shower
Take a warm bath
Read a book
Binge on Netflix
Watch favorite sports program Go for a hike
Go to the movies
Experience a live play Spend time at a museum
Go to a sports game GardenHave a picnic
Watch funny videos
Do the laundry
Get a massage
Dust your house
Have a game night
Get a haircut
Go out to eat
Join a new club
Go through pictures
Make a scrapbook
Spend time with pets
Make a shadow box
Buy yourself flowers Listen to music
Look at the stars
Eat a piece of fresh fruit
Bake cookies
Explore a new hobby
Make a Memory Box Hone a skill you have
Stand out in the rain
Pray
Stop and smell a flower
Knit/Crochet
Build a birdhouse
Rake Leaves/Cut Grass
Make a HandPrint
Sort Buttons
Draw a Picture
Press Flowers
Clean
Make a Christmas Ornament
Vacuum house
Vacuum Car
Wash your car
Explore a cause you believe in
Plan your short weekend trip Take a short weekend trip
Volunteer at a local shelter Spend time with friends
Invite family over for a movie Visit a local historical place
Attend classes you’ve always wanted
Appreciate the simple things
Write down favorite memories Spend time with children
Attend religious/spiritual services Do nothing and veg on the couch
Watch funny/cute youtube videos Make a Sculptured Memory
Shop for memorialization items
Learn a new language
Volunteer for a cause you believe in
Knitting or a craft you enjoy
Indulge in Chocolate (or any sweet!)
Bring a gift to a neighbor
Look at pictures you enjoy Take photos of nature
Watch the sunset/sunrise Listen to a child’s laughter
Draw boundaries with negative influences
Rearrange your furniture
Spend intimate time with your partner
Spend time with a friend
Commit yourself to a good cause Discover a new place and visit it
Appreciate the small moments of calm
Spend time with horses
List 3 great qualities about yourself Spend time with chickens
Buy a new book and read it from cover to cover
Take a step toward your goals
Try a new food you’ve never had before
Make vacation plans
Donate to a good cause Teach a friend something new
Search for new inspirational quotes Start a blog and write your story
Join a new community or meetup group
Spend time mindlessly browsing the web
Set aside 15 minutes in a quiet place and give yourself permission to grieve.
Attend a grief support group
Explore your city/town
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The Stages of Grief
In 1969, psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced what became known as the “five stages of grief.” These stages of grief were based on her studies of the feelings of patients facing terminal illness, but many people have generalized them to other types of negative life changes and losses, such as the death of a loved one or a break-up.
The five stages of grief:
- Denial: “This can’t be happening to me.”
- Anger: “Why is this happening? Who is to blame?”
- Bargaining: “Make this not happen, and in return I will ____.”
- Depression: “I’m too sad to do anything.”
- Acceptance: “I’m at peace with what happened.”
Emotional symptoms of grief
Shock and disbelief.
Right after a loss, it can be hard to accept what happened. You may feel numb, have trouble believing that the loss really happened, or even deny the truth. If someone you love has died, you may keep expecting them to show up, even though you know they’re gone.
Sadness.
Profound sadness is probably the most universally experienced symptom of grief. You may have feelings of emptiness, despair, yearning, or deep loneliness. You may also cry a lot or feel emotionally unstable.
Guilt.
You may regret or feel guilty about things you did or didn’t say or do. You may also feel guilty about certain feelings (e.g. feeling relieved when the person died after a long, difficult illness). After a death, you may even feel guilty for not doing something to prevent the death, even if there was nothing more you could have done.
Anger.
Even if the loss was nobody’s fault, you may feel angry and resentful. If you lost a loved one, you may be angry with yourself, God, the doctors, or even the person who died for abandoning you. You may feel the need to blame someone for the injustice that was done to you.
Fear.
A significant loss can trigger a host of worries and fears. You may feel anxious, helpless, or insecure. You may even have panic attacks. The death of a loved one can trigger fears about your own mortality, of facing life without that person, or the responsibilities you now face alone.
Physical symptoms of Grief
We often think of grief as a strictly emotional process, but grief often involves physical problems, including:
- Fatigue
- Nausea
- Lowered immunity
- Weight loss or weight gain
- Aches and pains
- Insomnia
Children's Books on Grief, Loss and Death
Sometimes a story is the best way to open a dialogue with a child. Often reading a story can help children know they are not alone and normalize what they are experiencing. It can offer a safe way to open a dialogue with children about death and grief. Here is a list of 64 children’s books about grief. The books are primarily for ages 3-10, but often can be used for older children as well.
1. Lifetimes: The Beautiful Way to Explain Death to Children
(kids 5+)
2.The Invisible String
(kids 3+)
3. Everett Anderson’s Goodbye (Reading Rainbow)
(kids 5-8)
4. The Tenth Good Thing About Barney
(kids 6-9)
5. I’ll Always Love You
(kids 3-7)
6. When Dinosaurs Die: A Guide to Understanding Death (Dino Life Guides for Families)
(kids 4-8)
7. I Miss You: A First Look at Death (First Look at Books)
(kids 4+)
8. The Saddest Time
(kids 6-9)
9. Tear Soup: A Recipe for Healing After Loss
(kids 8+)
10. The Fall of Freddie the Leaf: A Story of Life for All Ages
(kids 4+)
11. Gentle Willow: A Story for Children About Dying
(kids 4+)
12. Where Are You? A Child’s Book About Loss
(kids 4-8)
13. Samantha Jane’s Missing Smile: A Story About Coping With the Loss of a Parent
(kids 5+)
14. The Scar
(kids 5-9)
15. A Terrible Thing Happened (kids 4+)
16. The Elephant in the Room: A Children's Book for Grief and Loss
(kids 4+)
17. The Boy Who Didn’t Want to Be Sad
(kids 4+)
18. I Wish I Could Hold Your Hand…: A Child’s Guide to Grief and Loss (Little Imp Books)
(kids 9+)
19. Water Bugs and Dragonflies: Explaining Death to Young Children
(kids 4+)
20. When Your Grandparent Dies: A Child’s Guide to Good Grief (Elf-Help Books for Kids)
(kids 5+)
21. Someone I Love Died
(kids 4-8)
22. What Happened When Grandma Died?
(kids 4+)
23. Always and Forever
(kids 4+)
24. Badger’s Parting Gifts
(kids 4-8)
25. Ghost Wings
(kids 5+)
26. Finding Grandpa Everywhere: A Young Child Discovers Memories of a Grandparent
(kids 7+)
27. The Grandpa Tree
(kids 3+)
28. Sad Isn’t Bad: A Good-Grief Guidebook for Kids Dealing with Loss (Elf-Help Books for Kids)
(kids 6+)
29. Nana Upstairs and Nana Downstairs (Picture Puffins)
(kids 4-8)
30. Daddy, Up and Down: Sisters Grieve the Loss of Their Daddy
(kids 4-8)
31. Saying Goodbye to Daddy
(kids 4+)
32. The Angel with the Golden Glow: A Family’s Journey Through Loss and Healing
(kids 4+)
33. Where’s Jess: For Children Who Have a Brother or Sister Die
(kids 3-6)
34. A Taste of Blackberries
(kids 8-12)
35. Bridge to Terabithia
(kids 8-12)
36. My Grandson Lew
(kids 4-6)
37. Aarvy Aardvark Finds Hope: A Read Aloud Story for People of All Ages About Loving and Losing, Friendship and Hope
(as the title says, people of all ages!)
38. The Empty Place: A Child’s Guide Through Grief (Let’s Talk)
(kids 5-10)
39. Dancing on the Moon
(kids 3+)
40. Lost and Found: Remembering a Sister
(kids 6+)
41. Stacy Had a Little Sister (A Concept Book)
(kids 4+)
42. Ragtail Remembers: A Story That Helps Children Understand Feelings of Grief
(kids 4+)
43. Goodbye Mousie
(kids 4-8)
44. Remembering Crystal
(kids 3+)
45. Rudi’s Pond
(kids 5-8)
46. The Memory String
(kids 4-8)
47. Sammy in the Sky
(kids 4-8)
48. Where Do People Go When They Die?
(kids 3-8)
49. Chester Raccoon and the Acorn Full of Memories
(kids 3-8)
50. Her Mother’s Face
(kids 4-8)
51. Remembering Mama
(kids 4+)
52. Old Pig (Picture Puffin)
(kids 3-8)
53. Pearl’s Marigolds for Grandpa
(kids 3-7)
54. Saying Goodbye to Lulu
(kids 3-6)
55. The Mountains of Tibet
(kids 7+)
56. Rabbityness
(kids 3-7)
57. I Wish I Could Hold Your Hand…: A Child’s Guide to Grief and Loss (Little Imp Books)
(kids 9+)
58. Can You Hear Me Smiling?: A Child Grieves a Sister
(kids 8+)
59. The Copper Tree
(kids 5-8)
60. Everybody Feels Sad
(kids 4+)
61. Grief is Like a Snowflake
(kids 4+)
62. My Baby Big Sister: A Book for Children Born Subsequent to a Pregnancy Loss
(kids 4-8)
63. Ladder to the Moon
(kids 4-8)
64. Missing Mommy: A Book About Bereavement
(kids 3-8).
**These books may be available on the ‘Audible App’ for free or through Amazon.

Additional Online Resources
Help Guide: Coping with Grief and Loss
https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/coping-with-grief-and-loss.htm
American Counseling Association: Grief and Loss Resources
https://www.counseling.org/knowledge-center/mental-health-resources/grief-and-loss-resources
Psych Central: Coping with Grief
https://psychcentral.com/grief/
American Psychological Association: Grief Coping with the loss of your loved one
https://www.apa.org/topics/grief